I became a father for the first time 11 years, 3 months, and 14 days ago. I was only 20 years old, barely out of diapers myself, and here I was faced with the prospect fatherhood. I can recall that drive home from the hospital so vividly - I was scared out of my mind. Life was really beginning to sink in - it was real. I had to step up to the plate.
Regrettably, it didn't happen. While I was a presence in my home, and I brought home a paycheck, I wasn't the father I should have been to my new little girl. That fatherly instinct that I think some new fathers naturally get must have skipped me. I felt overwhelmed and I checked out mentally. I'm ashamed, but it's true. I think back on it now and wish I could slap my younger self around a bit for slacking off like I did. I really missed out on some important aspects of being a father that I can never get back. Time doesn't let us do it over again. Even with each new child, you only get a chance to try and do better. No true do-overs. That is life.
Thankfully I have been blessed with four kids in all, and with each one I have had the opportunity to experience fatherhood in a new way. I have experienced life on a level I didn't know possible. Real fear. Real hope. Real Joy. Real love. Yes, slowly but surely I have found my fatherly instinct. Or at least a lot more of it!
Sadly I think I am on my last attempt at being the best father possible to a brand new baby. This will likely be my last chance at each young phase that my other kids have begun leaving in the dust. She is lucky in a way. I get to learn how to deal with each new childhood phase as the older kids progress through them. By the time she gets there, I will be wiser and likely a lot more mellow!
But this is how we all learn as parents. I swear my own younger siblings could get away with murder as they grew older. Either my Dad learned to better handle it, or we all just slowly beat him into submission. It was probably a combination of both. :) As you may recall from Mother's Day, he had quite a full plate when it came to kids!
I want to thank my Dad for not only helping to give me this chance at life, but for also being an outstanding example of what a father is all about. His love and support towards his kids has never been questioned. Regardless of the choices we have made in our lives, good or bad, he has always been there. When we messed up, he helped us learn from it. If we succeeded, he cheered us on and pushed us to keep going.
Obviously I am bias, but I cannot think of a better example of dedication and unconditional love.
Thanks Dad. I love you.
I would also like to thank my step-father David (or Dave as I call him), for all he has and continues to do for our family. In the short time he has been apart of this family, he has stepped up and given of his time and resources to help in any way he can. He treats us like we are kids of his own, and he takes great care of our Mom. Oh and our kids absolutely adore their Grandpa Dave. Happy Father's Day Dave.
And last but not least, I want to thank my wife for the key roll she played in making me a father. But I don't mean in just the literal sense. Fathering a child doesn't make you a "father". It takes far more than that, and it has been her example of being a mother that has helped me to see it. When I have often been wrong, she has still supported me. She inspires me to be better. I want her to know I love and appreciate all she has does for me and the kids.
As I continue my own journey through fatherhood I expect to face many more challenges and heartaches. But I'll learn from them and become a better father as a result. Becoming a father has been the single best thing that could have happened to me. I have a long way to go before I'll be able to hold myself in the ranks of men like my own father. But if I get even half way there, then I will have done something good in my life.