A friend and former co-worker lost his wife this past week after a long 9 month struggle over complications from a serious condition called Stevens-Johnson Syndrome/Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis (SJS/TEN). Basically, this is a rare condition in which you experience a severe allergic reaction to medication, and as a result your skin more-or-less melts off. It is bad.
Her name was Sandra Kim. I first met her 10-11 years ago when she came to visit her husband Willem at work one day. (Willem was my manager for roughly 5 years). When I first saw her she had the brightest blue hair I’d ever seen, was wearing this huge smile, and was “bouncing off the walls” full of energy. My first thought was that she was some employee’s crazy rebellious teenager wandering the halls unsupervised. Then I saw her run to Willem’s office and essentially throw herself at him – so out went the teenager part, but I was still sticking to the “crazy rebellious” assumption - the hair was seriously blue and she seemed wild!
Turns out I was right. She was wild and crazy, but in a wonderful and unique way. You couldn’t help but notice her and she had this way of making you both fear and like her at the same time. I recall later talking to Willem and telling him how shocked I was to learn that she was his wife. Willem was so mellow and collected, and here Sandra was “hyper and unstable” (no offense). “That’s what I love about her”, he told me.
Some months later my wife Jody and I had the privilege of joining Willem and Sandra for dinner. At the time our daughter Milee was only 2-3 years old and we didn’t have a babysitter so we brought her along. Jody recalls well how Sandra was drawn to Milee – you could tell how she loved kids. It was a great evening and seeing Willem and Sandra together in this setting really made things clear to me. They were great together.
I really cannot do justice trying to describe the person that Sandra was – I hardly knew her. I maybe saw her in person 5 times total, if that. But she never once left each encounter without leaving some kind of impression. She loved to shock you if possible, and it was pretty easy for her most of the time.
When Willem left Microsoft over 5 years ago I pretty much lost touch with him. I kept tabs on rare occasion through his brother Arie (also an employee and co-worker), but direct contact with Willem was roughly a single email in 5 years. Then 9 months ago I learned (through other friends and Arie) that Sandra had been hospitalized and it was serious, but that the early prognosis was good.
Unfortunately it seems Sandra couldn’t catch a break and she endured numerous complications during her treatment. I followed the blog Willem and Arie used to keep everyone updated on her status, and it was a rollercoaster reading of her many ups and downs.
Finally this past Sunday/Monday things took a serious turn for the worse and Willem was given no choice but to say goodbye to his wife of 13 years. She was only 38 years old and left behind not only her husband and 3 year old little girl, but countless friends/family and dozens of young children (3rd & 4th graders) that she taught during her time as an elementary teacher. She touched so many lives.
Today I attended the funeral service and it was very difficult. I guess I feel especially sensitive to the pain brought on by this tragedy given how recently I suffered the loss of my baby brother. My heart goes out to Willem and his daughter – to all of their family and close friends. I wish there was more I could do to help – to ease the pain in some small way. I left the funeral with a clear sense of the huge void Sandra’s passing created – one that will never be filled by an equal.
Arie and Willem have setup a new website dedicated to the memory of Sandra. The goal is to take stories, memories, and pictures from everyone that knew Sandra and post them for all to enjoy. There are a few posts there now and I’m sure many more will follow. Check it out if you have time and hopefully we’ll all get a chance to know her a little better.
